I used to think I could forcefully help advance the process of pain recovery after a heartbreak (any type of heartbreak) by better understanding a situation. Replaying moments to pinpoint when things went wrong. “A different tone of voice could have been used during a certain conversation. Could more affirmations produced different results? I could have definitely had more patience that one time.” If I didn’t get answers (closure) I worried I would be stuck in a limbo of not knowing when I would “officially” move on. I admit, it’s not a realistic way to think since we know grief comes in different stages and has its own timeline. If anything, we can conclude that this is a prime example of an overthinker displaying anxious behaviors. Yet, it wasn’t really until I began to question if this level of “determination” was healthy that I came to newer conclusions. I deduced that I was trying to understand both sides of the story so I could learn from my mistakes and prevent from repeating them.
Learning from our mistakes sounds so simple, right? However, when do we really ever break things down to that level of simplicity when you are desperately trying to feel at peace? Staying in the present reduces anxiety, which means reduction in the obsession of the past and/or future. So really what I was trying to do was have some sort of control over the situation. I was trying to get ahead of it and outsmart it. It sounds silly, but this has all been my gentle reminder letting me know that again, it comes down to the basics: we can’t control other people. It takes commitment and communication to move forward. Question is whether one is ready to sit in the discomfort to level up as a human. It’s a full circle. It’s always a full circle.
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